20/5/02 - My new sunglasses, Serengeti Argosy - only an 8 week wait!

19/5/02 - Celebrity endorsements have been around for a while, Bob Wills and his Texas Playboys enjoy their bread:

19/5/02 - Dumb as a bag of hammers, OK. Dumb as a bag of rocks, OK.  Dumb as a bag of hair? Kittens? Cliché watch idea courtesy of Robot Wisdom, king of all weblogs.  NTK is right, how come Jorn Barger never gets the votes at Bloggie time?

Jorn Barger has his faults but at least he hates 'blog' too!

19/5/02 - It's cruel to kick people when they're down but I'm sure some can make an exception for Anita Bryant:

"Twenty-five years after her famous antigay crusade in Florida ended a high-flying career, Bryant, 62, is known in three other states for not paying bills. She has spent the past few years in small entertainment capitals across the Bible Belt, gamely attempting a comeback but leaving bankruptcy and ill will in her wake."

19/5/02 - The difference between US and British obituaries: (via Travelers Diagram)

"Of course, the insistence on subjective obituaries sometimes contributes to a nostalgia that to the American ear sounds tinny and unnecessary. Hence the Guardian's recent sendoff to a not-exactly-famous Oxford University Press editor named Kim Walwyn, who died young of breast cancer: "She continued to be avid for new experiences, in her 40s learning to ice skate, and becoming a competent and graceful horserider." Let us not speak ill of the dead, certainly, but one can almost hear the New York Times copy desk querying: "How do we know that she was graceful?""

19/5/02 - The Calatrava bridge in Manchester.

18/5/02 - The story of the Zurich pigs:

"The stars of our new adverts are the irresistible flying pigs. The pigs are all Middle Whites. Years of experience have shown that this breed, which is also known as the Lady's Pig, is best for training. This is partly because of its placid, gentle nature and partly because its ears stick up rather than hanging over its eyes - so the pig can see its trainer at all times."

"Giving birth to and raising a son shortens a woman's lifespan by 34 weeks..."

"6. Burton’s Biscuits Ltd
 60 complaints – not justified
 Complainants expressed concern that the posters denigrated travelling showmen and misleadingly reinforced prejudicial stereotypes about fairground businesses. The ASA considered that the ads were tongue-in-cheek and unlikely to be taken literally."

18/5/02 - A funny article about testing bookstore assistants with mangled requests e.g. asking for The Colour Orange by Alice Walker.  I thought this bit was the funniest: (via ctp)

"I have a friend who is a bit depressed and could she recommend anything that might cheer him up? Seamlessly, she prescribes a look around the self-help section. "A novel might be better," I say. "I'm not sure I should give him something so obvious"

She pauses for a moment to consider. "A lot of people read those mind, body and spirit ones, like those Paolo Coelho books." Finally she settles on the Coelho title Veronica Decides to Die, which sounds less than cheery, and would not, in my opinion, be first choice for a near-suicidal friend..."

18/5/02 -  A highly appropriate site to complement www.cuppatea.org, www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com, with the all important Biscuit of the Week reviews: (thanks Helen!)

"So the first thing that you notice about an 'all butter' biscuit is that its not all butter. If it were, it would indeed, be butter, and therefore be a bit greasy for a biscuit."

"I've seen the poison letters of the horrible hacks
about the yellow peril and reds and the blacks
and the tuc and its treacherous acts
kremlin money - all right jack
I've seen democracy is under duress
but I've never seen a nipple in the Daily Express"

"You can always tell Texans," she says. "They wear big, bright, multi- coloured sweaters. Every time I see one, I think God's made another rainbow. Then you get the clean-shaven Right-wing Christian types. The Jews on our team are always laughing at them saying: 'He wouldn't have let us hide in his attic.'"

18/5/02 - A new way of catching villains - threaten them with the loss of their World cup privileges:

"A total of 27 men wanted for failing to appear in court have given themselves up after being threatened with missing the World Cup.

Hertfordshire Police had warned anyone with outstanding warrants against them to surrender themselves or risk not seeing key matches in the tournament."